Being in legal field comes with a very useful yet detrimental ability to out-logic your own heart. The success in achieving a complete belief with every inch of your being that one option is better than another simply because of rationale, or convincing yourself of a feeling while walking on a path of shattered glass and nails waiting for it to hurt.
Eventually the pain comes out and you get that restless feeling when you don’t know what is it that could possibly remedy it. All you can do is sleep and hope to awake different, happy.
What should I chose - Safe car that drives by the speed limit and makes one or two turns, OR a fast, dangerous one that is inevitably going to crash?
Do you ever get exhausted? And I don’t mean exhausted in that 9-5 day kind of way. I don’t even mean exhausted in they way you get when you went for a long run. I mean…exhausted, so tired of walking, breathing, solving, resolving, and being constantly and inevitably disappointed.
My good friend once said that the way we chose my life to be has its disadvantages. It is difficult, challenging, and..exhausting. We miss our families, we move all the time. All in hope that one day it will all be worth it, all in hope that one day I will wake up and no longer be exhausted. The same friend also told me that the path we chose is beautiful. That we are experiencing life others never will.
When, I am exhausted, I think of his words. No matter how difficult it is, I know that there is a cosmic balance, a scale, a something somewhere that has to lead me to a good place. And if it doesn’t, well, at least I will leave my life with faith. Faith in myself.
Photo Credits: boN voYage souL by ~V3Nr3VeNG3
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Sometimes we forget the simple things.
Is it really all about timing? Or will it happen if it is meant to happen? Or maybe something in between? I am not sure. It is easy to blame yourself for not making the right decision in right time to come to the right outcome. However, what do we really know about timing and how must is there for us to really be in control of?
As the hurricane Sandy approached New York and stalled my life in a limbo like state, timing seems to not be of an essence. I am starting to see what is there when time stops, restaurants and bars are closed, and I sit here alone, in my New York apartment and wonder. Wonder, if the decisions I made were the right ones and if the path I am on is leading me to the place I see myself at. Or was it all for nothing - the pain, the strength I had to develop, the pressure and the overcoming everything dream to reach the end of this tunnel and finally make myself and my family happy.
I guess only time will tell.
Jardin des Tuileries, Paris (by christine.m.kim)
I want to be in Paris, where fall is magic and air smells of fresh bread.
No one will ever know what happens behind the closed doors, in the secret place where we live our lives. One can wonder, one can even theorize. But no one will ever know the losses, the fears, the sacrifices, the pressures and struggles, the lonely nights and the dead ends. No one.
There is something to be said of the mysterious soul that a woman is given. It is a gift and a punishment at the same time. And no one will ever know.
Inspired by “Things you can’t tell just by looking at her” (2011)
buttontenderness of molecules
in the dark
each blossom of skin
alive
burning
as we are
in the dark matter
of breath,
these stars collapsing
into each other.
High or low self-esteem are equally illusory. Self-esteem comes from the habit of judging, judging yourself and others. When you judge yourself to be better, you have high self-esteem. When you...
We can find stillness and peace if we can make time for timelessness.
Eckhart Tolle
